I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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