My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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