I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize