Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
