I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
