so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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