U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
