I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
