I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
