the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
