the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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