Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
