I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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