Moan for me like Helen Keller
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize