the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
