I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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