This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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