My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
