Barsexuality is the new black.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
