Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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