I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
