One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
MIDGETS
????
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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