Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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