that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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