Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
