I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
