Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
