Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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