That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
