i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize