just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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