Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
