Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
