you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
