apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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