My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
