His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
