Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
