Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
