so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
