I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
