those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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