this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
