my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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