Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
