I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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