Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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