I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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