so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
