Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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