you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
