Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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