I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
nutella sex= disaster
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
