my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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