just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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