there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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