the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
