No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
