Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
