Yo dont text me then not text me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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