Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
