Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
