please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
