Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize