she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
