Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
