I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
